With the birth of our daughter, Tahli, Mary and the Know Your Midwife program gave us a very positive birth experience.  Even when things did not go according to plan we were able to remain calm and in control.  We had the knowledge and help from our own midwife to be able to make informed choices whilst in hospital and we were able to feel confident in those choices.
 
Being able to return home the next morning after Tahli was born was fantastic.  We were able to settle her in with us immediately and also able to be in our own comfortable home surrounds whilst still having professional help and advice at hand.  Tahli gained weight that first week and any problems we were able to address to Mary either during one of her house visits or just by picking up the phone.
 
Know Your Midwife is brilliant.

Thank-You Mary,
 
Kristy, Dion and Tahli Kai
 

I’VE BEEN SO INSPIRED BY THIS EXPERIENCE, I FEEL LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING.

The story of the natural birth of Sunny Brian Edward Chalkley, born 3.12am September 26^th 2010 on Australia’s Sunshine Coast, and how surrendering to that moment has changed his Mum forever.

Nearly 30 weeks into her second pregnancy, Kirsty Sziron was getting frustrated. She and her partner Christopher 'Kester' Chalkley had set their minds on the seemingly impossible: a drug-free birth that was also spiritually uplifting. But it was now feeling like a pointless quest.

Their first child, Starla, took her time entering the world. Kirsty was in labour for four days. In the final stages she inhaled a little analgesic help – nitrous oxide – and Starla emerged with her left hand held coyly flat against the side of her face, making the delivery that bit more tricky. Kirsty felt battered and bruised and the stitches didn’t help. Nor did Starla’s placenta, which refused to come out, and so poor Kirsty was wheeled into the operating room where it was retrieved surgically.

In many ways Starla’s birth was so very typical of so very many birthing stories. It had a joyous ending. But it was tough going; difficult, drawn out and exhausting in Kirsty’s case.

Two and a half years later, Kirsty and Kester kept coming back to the same questions. Why was it so hard to find stories about birth that are positive and peaceful? Is it really true that as beautiful as any birth is, labour has to be so bloody painful? Is submitting to drugs and epidurals the only way? Are all those scenes on TV and in movies – the ones involving stress and screaming – the way it has to be?  If not, then why don’t we hear more about less dramatic natural labour experiences, let alone births that might even be blissful?

As professional dancers, choreographers, performers, composers, actors, musicians and teachers of the arts, Kirsty and Kester were certainly open to new ideas and self-expression. The first time around, they had invested hours in learning hypnotherapy techniques – most notably those inspired by Marie Mongan – during their third trimester of pregnancy. They had worked with a private hypnotherapist to do this, but the arrangement was that Kirsty and Kester would draw upon their knowledge during labour unassisted; the hypnotherapist would not join them at the hospital.

While these self-administered techniques helped a little, deep down inside Kirsty instinctively felt that childbirth could be different. She knew too that this was not a popularly shared perspective.

“When I became pregnant the first time I told people I wanted to have a drug free birth, and they would laugh or scoff,” she said. Undeterred by this response and her first birthing experience, second time around Kirsty found herself raising the bar even further; she wanted a peaceful, positive, even spiritual birthing experience. “I knew I could have a better birth.”

But how?

She talked to the general hospital where she wanted to give birth. It was suggested that something called a Share Care arrangement might be appropriate for her. “The idea as I understood it was that you meet four midwives who work at the hospital and then one of them will be on duty when you give birth,” she said. “It’s a free service.”

So she booked in for an appointment, but was disappointed by her first experience. “They didn’t ask about my birth care plan or desires. They took my blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat and I was gone in about fifteen minutes.” During that time Kirsty said she tried to explain what she was hoping for, but wasn’t convinced that she was being heard. Moreover she didn’t get the sense that anyone had any confidence that she would be delivered by a midwife she got to know on the programme. “They wouldn’t guarantee that I would meet all four.”

Enter serendipity.

“It’s not often I put the radio on,” said Kirsty, explaining how she first heard a radio commercial for Know Your Midwife, a private midwife practice, while driving her car on a local errand a few days later. “I just thought, ‘this sounds great’.” Kirsty made a mental note of Know Your Midwife, and when she got home she went online to look up its website. She liked what she read and gave the company a call.

Kirsty and Mary Young, Know Your Midwife’s founder, played phone tag for a few days and then Mary came to visit Kirsty at their home in Sunrise Beach on Australia’s Sunshine Coast.

“We chatted for four hours. I was so happy to have found a midwife who is fully registered, and a registered nurse and also someone into alternative remedies. I was just so wrapped to have all those things in one person. I was absolutely relieved and inspired and delighted...probably relieved was the big thing.”

By this stage Kirsty was 32 weeks pregnant. She had “five or six” visits with Mary in just over as many weeks, all at Kirsty’s home. “I made a bond with her really quickly. In such an important event, it’s important to have someone on the same wavelength, a similar outlook on life and philosophy. Getting to know Mary and building trust with her was the best thing...to be able to look her in the eye and feel that trust.”

“Kester was [here] for the first few meetings but as we got into the hypnobirthing [he] would take Starla swimming or whatever,” said Kirsty, explaining that practicing these techniques in her own home made it all the more easy to relax and get into it. “I just loved the fact that there were alternatives...homeopathy, massage, holistic approaches, instead of that straight down the line [medical] remedies.”

Kirsty’s waters broke on Saturday 25^th September. Kester drove her to the hospital, with Starla. Kirsty’s mother, visiting from Hervey Bay, went to the hospital too.

Earlier in the day Kirsty had kept Mary abreast of developments by telephone. When they arrived at the hospital a member of the maternity ward staff reported “ah yes, Mary rang, we know all about you.” Initially they were relieved by this news but then they were asked “what are you having for pain relief?”  Kirsty replied “nothing”. The silence that followed was broken by Kester who added “hypnotherapy” in an attempt to explain their perspective. It was also suggested to them that medications would likely be necessary at some point. “You retained your placenta last time so there’s a good chance it’ll happen again,” Kirsty was advised by a member of the maternity ward.

Prior to Mary’s arrival on scene, comments of this nature from unfamiliar faces, no matter how well meaning and informed, seemed at odds with the birth for which they were hoping and had prepared. “I started to feel anxious, and I knew that wasn’t going to help. But after Mary arrived, I started to relax.”

Their room comprised a main area with a bed for Kirsty and an adjoining large bathroom with a wide-open easy-access shower and plenty of space for care givers. A fold out bed was brought for Starla.

“I’m a dancer and I’m used to moving my body and being in tune with it...the first thing Mary did when she arrived was to get me standing up and wiggle my hips. The pain began to ease.”

Recalling the experience two weeks later, Kirsty stands up in her sitting room, places her feet shoulder width apart, balanced, puts her hands on her hips and begins swaying side to side, utterly at ease, closes her eyes and drifts back in time...”surrendering, relaxed, in the hands of someone I trust and respect breathing becomes something to focus on, rather than pain. I have no concept of the time. Mary got there. I surrendered.”

Kirsty returns to the notion of “surrendering” several times during her description of labour, much of which took place in the shower-tub. Kester, Starla and Nanna were in the room adjacent to the bathroom as labour develops.

“I’m not afraid to make my body work,” reiterates Kirsty, as she describes, demonstrates even, her position in the big tub. On all fours, with Mary directly in front of her, facing her, also on her knees, face-to-face, “grabbing onto Mary and all my body weight into her hands in her lap, sometimes with my head in her lap, sometimes her bosoms, because I knew her and I felt like I could do that.”

 “She gave me the confidence to believe in me.”

Kirsty recalls Mary coaching her through it, gently, calmly, “beautifully”.

“’Breath the baby down...breath down into your vagina...each surge is bringing your baby closer to you’...exactly what I needed to hear.”

 “Where’s my orgasmic birth?” Kirsty recalls asking Mary, with a big smile. Mary’s response: “The choice is yours; it’s up to you Kirsty. You choose.”

 “I feel like I made a choice to surrender even more. I didn’t have an orgasm, but there was peace, calm, a lot less pain,” and then “an intense sensation rather than pain. My body was working. Intense sensations, but pain is too much of a strong word for it.” She chuckles: “I could glimpse my mother in the room next door sitting quietly in the corner, probably panicking, but very calm.  Kester was next to her, smiling at me, calmly, reading a book to Starla.”

In a general hospital, a private midwife plays the role of a doula, a coach, a mentor, a partner. But the hospital is legally responsible for the ‘patient’ and the birth, and so the maternity staff maintains close observation, despite a private midwife’s qualifications and ability to manage a labour themselves.  

As Sunny crowns, “I continued listening to Mary’s voice...you are about to meet your baby...”

Sunny was born in almost exactly the same position as Starla two and half years earlier, with one hand on his cheek, less than four hours after arriving at the hospital. “I had a few deep moans at the end.” Starla, Kester and Nanna all greeted his entrance to the world.”It was beautiful, a family affair, which added to the experience. Kester cut the cord.”

“The hospital midwife kneaded my stomach to help the placenta come out naturally – that was probably the most uncomfortable part. Mary was helping me breastfeed. I cannot believe the difference in my body. No stitches, cuts or bruises this time.”

The family, now one larger in number, left the hospital later than morning, at 11.30am, about twelve hours after they had arrived the night before. “I saw my osteopath a week later for a general check up and she said my body had recovered like a woman who had had a baby three months ago, not a week ago. She was really impressed.”

Kester, who’s listening in to Kirsty’s recollections while playing with Starla, on the sitting room carpet, points out “there’s so many levels to this, it’s not just about not having drugs.”

Kirsty goes further; “I’ve been so inspired by this experience, I feel like I can do anything.” She says this with such joy and conviction it’s impossible not to believe her.

“Society has somehow brainwashed us into thinking birth is painful, and I think it is a rite-of-passage. Sure it involves a bit of work, but it prepares you for parenthood. Life goes up and down, you feel up and down, and you have to breathe through it. I can draw upon that strength. If I can do that, other things in life will be easier. Without Mary I know I would have had a very different experience,” says Kirsty.

Kirsty concludes: “I feel like it’s a conspiracy sometimes, birthing is painful and horrible. I would really like to help change that. Giving birth can be natural, beautiful and fulfilling.”

Prologue:

In the interests of full disclosure, this article was commissioned by Know Your Midwife. Kirsty Sziron and her partner Christopher 'Kester' Chalkley were interviewed for the article by its author. They read and approved it prior to its release into the public domain. Mary Young did not see it until after they had done so. Kirsty and Kester have this to say about the article. “We hope this inspires other women to seek continuity of care with a midwife so they can experience the best birth possible – like ours!*.”                  Kirsty Sziron and Christopher 'Kester' Chalkley.